The Evil Dead (1981)

Naughty trees!

Five friends travel to a cabin in the woods, where they unknowingly release flesh-possessing demons. (IMDB)

What could I possibly say about this legendary cult movie? Maybe, I could start by saying that it is a cult movie for several good reasons. They don’t make them like this anymore, putrid, gore, oppressing and raw.

What started like a low-budget horror movie shot by Raimi and his friends for fun resulted in the first chapter of a franchise that redefined possession horror. The Evil Dead delivers a gruelling experience with its creepy atmosphere and some of the most violent scenes in horror movies. The camera work of Raimi is masterful, especially when the darkness from the trees starts chasing people, knocking everything in its way, simply magnificent!

Something that this first chapter is gonna imprint on the rest of the franchise is that The Evil Dead is just a zombie flick, nothing more. It never takes itself too seriously. I mean, a girl gets raped by a tree, what more do you want? It almost makes fun of the entire genre and you’ll feel that even more as the character of Ash will develop.

As for Ash, Bruce Campbell is fantastic. He starts shy in this first movie but he will become the ultimate zombie bashing machine throughout the franchise.

A true masterpiece!

Split

Three girls are kidnapped by a man with a diagnosed 23 distinct personalities. They must try to escape before the apparent emergence of a frightful new 24th. (IMDB)

We don’t like psychological dramas, even if they’re borderline horror. So why did we watch Split? There’s a simple reason: because Anya Taylor-Joy plays in it.

McAvoys overacting is just superannoying and cringe.

As usual with M. Night Shyamalan, the script is too far fetch, the entire movie feels like a cliché-ridden abduction thriller, constantly interrupted by bullshit psychology.

We came for Anya and Anya is all we’ve had.

The Gorge

Two highly-trained operatives become close after being sent to protect opposite sides of a mysterious gorge. When an evil emerges, they must work together to survive what lies within. (IMDB)

The Gorge has everything to be a great movie, the plot is intriguing and Anya Taylor-Joy is fantastic. There are definitely two sides to the story. While the romance works quiet well, the horror part feels a bit week. Since the first part of the movie is where the romance happens, it’s a strong start. Unfortunately, what follows is weak. The horror feels like a huge déjà-vu with a bad cinematography and poor CGI. The mystery isn’t very mysterious, since we’ve seen it a hundred times.

It’s gonna sound weird but I would have preferred it if they would have just made a purely romantic movie happening on top of the Gorge without any explanation about the monsters.

Nosferatu

More like Nozzzzferatu…

A gothic tale of obsession between a haunted young woman and the terrifying vampire infatuated with her, causing untold horror in its wake. (IMDB)

With such a casting and such a budget, much more could have been expected from this movie. But I don’t know why, I had the feeling that it would end up being slow, overly dramatic and boring. It’s almost as if I’ve developed a spider sense that warns me of bad movies before I watch them. I should have listened to my gut feeling and skipped this one. Not that it made a big difference, since we’ve slept through the entire second half of the movie.

The only positive things about Nosferatu were the performances of Lily-Rose Depp and Bill Skarsgård. Wouldn’t it have been for them, I don’t think that we would even have seen the first half of the movie.

Spin The Bottle

The story of a group of teenagers in small town Texas who unleash a deadly force after playing the famous game in an abandoned house where a grisly massacre once took place. (IMDB)

It’s certainly not the creepiest movie that we’ve ever seen, far from it. But it’s a good horror flick with teens. Kaylee Kaneshiro (Legacies), Tanner Stine and Justin Long kind of carry the movie. The other girls appear to have been casted more for their willingness to kiss other girls while playing the infamous game than for their acting talent.

On a side note, I’ve never seen or heard of anyone playing that game. I have no idea how it became “infamous”. Just like “Bloody Mary”, it’s probably a game that has been played in the 70s and that makes an exploitable idea for an horror movie.

Anyway, while not being the greatest horror movie ever (does it even exist?), Spin the Bottle is a decent teen flick that nicely fills a Saturday evening. Sometimes, I wonder if I should expect more than that from modern days cinema.

An Eventful February

We’ve been living in city apartments for 20 years but we always had the idea to move to a house in the country. After 3 years of research, we finally found a house we could call home. Since January, we’ve been very busy purchasing the house and selling our apartment, hence the lack of posts on the blog. It’s been the busiest February of both our lives, and it’s only starting… There’s still an entire moving to organize.

Beside working on our relocation project, we’ve been playing Enshrouded and Grim Dawn. Two fantastic games without any subscription, cash shop or microtransactions, it feels good to be free! I will probably write a post (some day) about our growing hate for monetization.

I just found out about the Wayback Machine, an internet crawler that saved more than 916 billions web pages over time. They saved the pages of our old blog “Dark Heaven” from when we were fans of Goth stuff. Such a flashback!

I also found a thread on the Quake subreddit about mapping. I remember when I used to make maps a map for Quake 2, it was based on a train station converted to a concert/party place called The Soundstation. It took me 6 months and it was really fun. Internet was in full bloom, everybody thought that they were “cyber”, we used to live in movies in our heads and it was so cool.

I have the feeling that the world became much more serious than it used to be. Orrrr, I’m just surrounded by older folks who have lost their illusions and who live in a world that is much too real. Resist, folks! Play games and believe that there is more than jobs, bills and mortages.

Don’t Move (2024)

A seasoned killer injects a grieving woman with a paralytic agent. She must run, fight and hide before her body shuts down. (IMDB)

Pretty much everything that there’s to say about the movie is in the synopsis, it’s a pretty straight forward plot. Kesley Asbille and Finn Wittrock managed to keep the tension up until the end. We already knew Wittrock from AHS and we were sure that he would make a great psycho killer.

We also enjoyed the great american landscapes, eventhough the filming mostly took place around Sofia, Bulgaria. (lol)

There isn’t much more to say about Don’t Move, it’s the kind of movie that relies entirely on the vibe and the chemistry between the characters. We had a good time and I would recommend it for a Saturday evening.

This is our 500th post! Happy milestone and long live Spacewocket!

The Substance

Elisabeth Sparkle, renowned for an aerobics show, faces a devastating blow on her 50th birthday as her boss fires her. Amid her distress, a laboratory offers her a substance which promises to transform her into an enhanced version of herself. (Google)

We’ve watched The Substance despite our fear to end up with another movie like Smile (which we dislike). And I’m very glad we did! In my many years watching horror and crazy movies of all genres, I’ve never seen something like this.

First, the cinematography is beyond excellent. Each scene is perfectly crafted to fit the vibe of the movie. From the font used for the substance (yes, I love fonts) to the music or the design of each room, everything is impeccable.

Demi Moore redefines what it means to “give it all”. I don’t think that I’ve ever seen anyone committing this much to a role, her performance is fantastic. Dennis Quaid and Margaret Qualley are perfect fits too.

While the movie starts as a satire of how a male dominated showbiz easily discards aging women, it ends up completely out-of-this-world batshit crazy. I must warn people who are easily squeamish, this may not be the right movie for you!

We had a fantastic time watching The Substance. It left us half baffled and half philosophizing about aging gracefully in a world that pushes youth everywhere you look.

Farewell 2024

Goodbye, 2024, you’ve been quite a ride,
But let’s be honest, we’re not teary-eyed.
The shows were bland, the movies fell flat,
And gaming? Well, let’s not dwell on that.

Too quiet, a bit of a bore,
We hoped for so much, but you gave us chores.
We’ll leave you behind without much regret,
And look to the future with hopes freshly set.

Here’s to a new year, fresh and bright,
2025, come make things right!

A Quiet Place: Day One

Frodo the cat, portrayed by Schnitzel and Nico

A young woman named Sam finds herself trapped in New York City during the early stages of an invasion by alien creatures with ultra-sensitive hearing. (IMDB)

The movie is divided in two parts.

The first half is about the invasion. As usual, an unexptecting humanity gets crushed by the sudden attack of angry (and hungry) creatures from space. This part is pretty brutal. The cinematography is really well done and communicate a real sense of danger. We almost were afraid to make a sound in our coach.

The second half is less about survival than it is about drama. Samira isn’t really trying to escape New York, since she’s dying of an incurable disease. All she wants is to relive a slice of her old life, which includes eating a pizza. On her way, she meets Eric, a really nice guy who will do anything to fulfil her wish. All along their journey, they’re followed by Samira’s cat.

Even if it was really well acted, I can’t lie about my disappointment toward the second part of the movie. I’m not a drama fan. In fact, I hate it, it’s depressing and I’m really not watching TV to feel sad. If it wouldn’t have been so well acted, I’m not sure that I would have watched it until the end. Just stop using horror to masquerade a drama, it’s misleading!

Also, the cat deserves an award.

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